Chapter One

                                                                        CHAPTER 1: Please Create An Account

Early 2022, my eitgheen year old daughter told me she was receiving nasty messages from strangers on TikTok. I couldn't understand why on earth anyone would want to trouble a young girl.  I was very naive when it came to social media. I had Facebook, with no more than eighty or so friends, all of whom I either knew, or had known from school or work.  I had never heard of the term trolling, nor had I heard from anyone who had been trolled. Before I had time to even consider using Tiktok, there it was, my brand new account, TicTocTan. 

As I scrolled I saw more and more people dancing to trending music, quite catchy and before I knew it, two hours had gone by. After a few days, I started seeing people live streaming, something I had never watched on the internet before. Men and women of all ages, young mums, all spending day after day sitting on their phones interacting with strangers in the comments. I started to see people were sending them little gifts, such as a rose which would cost around 1p to buy, giving the creator a share of what the gift cost. I was more intrigued by the people I was seeing, rather than had any interest in interacting with anyone, I most certainly never sent gifts. Over the next month, I noticed they were all disappearing one by one, but had no idea why, maybe they just got bored. Then a woman called Chelsea-Lee-Art came up on my 'for you page' (FYP). I had never seen anyone so outspoken, confident or unique before, showing her entire life. And this opened my FYP to an entire world of hell. 

Up next, was Mruktikktokofficial. He was on holiday in Cornwall when I first came across him. Out on the streets dancing and singing by the beach to all the passers by without a care in the world regarding what people may think of him, and that was what got my attention, leaving me unable to click away. In the evenings he would livestream with other people where they would both hope to be gifted more than the other. I didn't like what this looked like, as it was simply a game of who is liked the most, and someone had to walk away feeling bad. But for some crazy reason, this is what people enjoyed paying for and were more than willing to dig deep into their pockets to ensure the side they didn't like would lose. Regardless of this, the comments on Mrtikoks live were heartbreaking to read. You pedaphile, you're a stalker, you take drugs, you're an abuser, it was relentless, and other creators would happily jump on board with the hate in order to gain more followers and gifts.

 I commented a couple of times, but it was known that unless you gifted him, he would not reply to your comment.  I thought he was shy the way he never responded to people, but no, you had to send a little token, and so I did, I sent a one penny rose and asked if he was okay. Oh! He replied! Okay, so maybe it was true, he did only speak for gifts, but if that's the name of the game, who was I to judge. 

I'd lay in bed of an evening and just listen to him whilst going to sleep. During the day, I would do my housework to the music he would sing along to outside live streaming . He was growing on me, but the hate towards him was fast becoming worse.  I decided to message him on Instagram, which I didn't really use back then. I asked him if he was okay, and if their was anything I could do to help don't hesitate to ask. Words I will use cautiously in future!

He said that trolls were calling hotels to try and get him thrown out, in which they were successful. He was asking me to email the hotel and let them know that he was being trolled. I did this, but didn't receive any reply. For the next few weeks, I would listen to Mrtiktok live till 10pm when he would finish. We were now on speaking terms enough that he wasn't shy to start throwing demands. It reached a point I realised, it didn't matter how much I did for him, it wouldn't change anything, and he would be back demanding more. I gave up contacting the hotels, but I didn't tell him this, I just told him that they were ignoring me. This wasn't because I didnt care, or didn't want to help, but there was nothing I could do. I had told him I was a law student,  he saw this like I had some kind of power over all situations. As a result of being kicked out from the hotels in Cornwall, he ran out of money. I suggested on the phone that maybe he goes home and returns when he has more money. He was fuming at me. 'Why would you say that, why should I, they're the ones doing this!'.  This should have been an indication of how demanding he can be and how frustrated he could become when denied an opportunity and given a suggestion he doesn't agree with, but all I saw was a gobby idiot, 250 miles away, giving me attitude on the phone which I found it quite funny. My mistake. 

After a month of messaging, we started to speak on the phone a little. He would finish his live around ten in the evening and we would talk for about ten minutes. I accidently answered a video call one evening, something I never did. I was sitting in the dark smoking and he saw the end of the cigarette light up and blurted out 'oh god, you don't smoke do ya?'. We wasn't talking to each other in a way we wanted to take things further, so what was the issue if I smoked, and why was I so bothered he was put off by it? These short calls turned into random calls throughout the day when he was stressed or manic about something, often his family, or that he is going to be chased out in the street and needs to get to safety fast. I had a lot of tolerance for him in the early days, it was all nothing other than entertainment, although sometimes heartbreaking to see. The time came that we decided to meet each other for the first time.  I knew almost everything about him. I knew what he looked like, what inside his bedroom looked like, in fact, his entire house. I had heard his family in the back ground on his live streams, I had heard stories about his past, was there really anything left to know about this man? But me, he knew nothing about me, other than I was in my second year at law school and that I had three adult children. He didn't even know what I looked like.  But we wasn't meeting to potentially get together. I had been single for eight years, and in that eight years, I had managed to achieve more than I had in my entire life. I studied at open university for two years to obtain an A level equivalent for entry into law school. I did this whilst being a single parent and working part time. The time came that I started university in the foundation year full time and survived the next three years with a student loan. 

I was surprised he trusted me as easily as he did considering how many people had used him. I sent him a picture of my driving licnece the day we met to make sure he felt safe and comfortable with me. Probably unnescarry now I look back, but I've always been an overthinker and don't like for people to feel uncomfortable. I tied my freshly washed brown hair up in a high ponytail, put on some primer and foundation. Brightened my eyes with some glitter eyeshadow and black mascara. I loved using highlighter and blusher on my smooth botoxed skin, and my lip gloss that I obsessed over on my new paid for lips. I got in my car and I drove to Eltham train station to meet him for the first time. 

There he stood, in the car park in his Valentino body warmer and his heavy bag which was weighing him down causing his body to slant slightly over to the right. He walked over to the car and put his oversized bag in the boot whilst I stayed sat in the car. He appeared to look a little older in real life, drained and stressed. He was skinny, although not worryingly skinny, his posture was not too far off that of a frail man. But not shy! Nothing about him showed any signs of anxiety or awkwardness, in fact he settled in very quickly, like home from home. So much so, that his one thousand viewers were somewhat pissed off.  We agreed he could live stream when he got here, save any awkward moments, and being oblivious to the damage this was going to do.......... to a lot of people!

I used my running machine for a lot of the time he was on Tiktok, it eased my anxiety, but something about him made me feel less anxious, I felt kind of comfortable around him. He wanted to make himself some dinner, so he found his way around the kitchen and got on with it himself whilst entertaining his viewers. After he had finished eating, I decided to go and sit beside him, but I made it clear that I did not want to be on his camera. These were personal issues of mine, ones I was certainly not going to get into with a stranger. The evening went relatively well and we got on. He had told me some stories about his break up three or four months before meeting me and it was clear to see that some damage had been done on both sides. I gave him the good old cliche 'times a healer'. I told him that he will move on one day when someone else comes along. He said he couldn't trust anyone ever again. He told me how she had asked him to delete his Tiktok, which after 30 days gets deleted permanently.  He wasn't earning money at that time, but he had built a following. I was told how he was quite soft spoken and would write letters to celebrities whilst reading them out loud for views, which apparently worked. All rather harmless. But he gave this up for someone who gave him a condition. After the thirty days were up, she told him she did not want to be with him.  This gave him huge trust issues for any possible future relationship, understandably, but not a condition I would ever put on another person. As well as this, he also told me how she had accused him of stalking and harassment after their break up. He told me that she turned to social media and told his viewers and trolls that he was a pedaphile and how he had stalked her, causing her to want to take her life of it hadn't of been for her son. This undoubtedly opened the doors to trolls and abuse. Tanya, meet Mruktikktokofficial, aka, Kevin!

Just a couple of days later and Kevin had announced  on his platform that I was his girlfriend. Yeh sure, we clicked, we got each other and we connected. He was charmingly daft, hilariously scatty, and endearingly complacent, but to put a title on us was a little overwhelming, especially after eight years of being single. It was too late now this new revelation had circulated Tiktok. I felt as though I had been sucked up by a tornado and spat out into a new dark world with no explanation, no armour, no friend, just me and what was about to come.

Days became pure chaos with accounts getting banned left right and centre. Needing another account with a thousand followers instantly to go live as time was money. Always looking for new content ideas, where to go, what storyline to think up next.  He had asked me once to battle him. He said I didn't have to speak or do anything, just accept each battle. I was up for a laugh back then and agreed. There were some silly comments from trolls who I replied to mostly using humour. They had often said stupid things like, kev had a 15 year old girlfriend. So when one comment asked where I was I told them I was still at school. I was 42 at the time, clearly not a school girl, but Kevin went absolutely nuts, not finding this funny, and we decided it was best I didn't do Tiktok. After that, I was never up for getting involved with the fake arguments that took place to draw viewers in, I would not agree to participate in any of it. Kevin actually asked me to pretend I was pregnant when I first met him. He said it would bring loads of views. Yeh, maybe it would, but what would it bring after nine months and theres no baby, I asked him.  This was one of the not so great sides of Kevin, he didn't always.... no, he didn't ever think of consequences, he was very much a 'here and now' person. Even if there were to be a consequence,  he would just say,  ''its over, lets move on, no point going on about it''.  So I was feeling the stress pretty early on, with the account bans, the diva, and the lack of giving a shit,  that I had viewed once as confidence. But it was alright, I can guide him, I told myself. That's all he was lacking, guidance. We started with the shouting. He would constantly walk around his house shouting whenever he wasn't happy. He done a lot of shouting when we spent a week together travelling. This didnt bother me in the sense I would be scared of him. To start with, I just thought he was dramatic and funny, I was never intimidated. But over time, it did become tedious and grinding on my brain. Id tell him, ''you don't need to shout to be heard, stop keep shouting''.  I got a result when I heard him tell his brother that there is no need to shout! So if I could help him change that about himself and be more self aware how he is shouting at people, then maybe I could help him with his image, his content, the trolling. And I always believed that had none of this unexplainable nightmare happened, he had what was needed to have achieved.

There was never anything I was going to like about social media. I couldn't get my head around the fact loads of people were seeing inside of his house, his bedroom, brushing his teeth, eating his meal, his breakfast. This life was never the life I had seen myself living. But their was no time for comprehending these live streams that took place, I was now going to be bombarded with messages from 'trolls' and hate from other 'creators'. Nothing was hateful towards me directly in the beginning. People were reaching out to me to tell me about who Kevin was. It became overwhelming, not even knowing how I should respond or should I respond at all? In hindsight, no I shouldn't of, but I did!  

TicTocTan was now gaining followers. They were telling me Kevin's a scammer, he committed fraud, messaged children. There was nothing to suggest any of this to be true. He did not have a criminal record, there were no allegations made against him, and it seemed obvious to me that this was a group of people out to destroy him.

 A forty year old man, with a criminal past, who also live streamed, had driven all the way to Cornwall to physically attack Kevin. It was immediately obvious it was done for views and that Kevin had been used by him.  I have no idea why, but I spoke to him on a live stream, he told me Kevin is a pedaphile and I should not stay with him. I made the right decision to not believe any of them as over the next three years I saw the lengths these same people went to. Not only to destroy Kevin, but to destroy me too. As I chose not to believe him, he had gone to a High Street in Birmingham and said over a microphone that Kevin and his misses Tanya, are pedaphiles.

 They said I was now collateral. TicTocTan account banned!